Memories of Starlight

Looking back on childhood, some of my fondest memories are of my mom taking my brother Patrick and I to Huber's Farm in Starlight, Indiana. Though I know we went during other times of the year, it's those autumn visits that were the most fun.

Back then, going to Huber's was a big deal. We would pack up the car and head out on what seemed an endless road trip. Winding around the mountainous roads, Patrick and I would work to find creative ways to kill the time-sometimes by picking on each other!

As kids, Huber's offered a feast for the senses. We would gorge ourselves on cheese, summer sausage, tart apples, and homemade pumpkin ice cream. We were perfectly content feeding crusty bread crumbs to the fish down at the pond while waiting for the next hayride to take us out into the fields to pick pumpkins (We usually didn't buy one. "I'm not paying Huber's prices for the same pumpkins the farmer down the street charges less than half for!" my Nanny was particularly fond of saying). After the hayride, we would make our way into the old-fashioned market. After being out in the chill, autum-in-Indiana air, the warmth of the market and scent of freshly baked apple fritters enveloped us. Mom would give us $5 each, and we'd peruse the store picking out $.10 candy sticks for grandaddy, a jar or two of apple butter, and a gallon of Huber's famous apple cider. The day was complete only when we were sufficiently stuffed, happy, and ready for a nap.

Last weekend, I went to Huber's again, only this time I was the parent taking my child. As we headed over to Huber's, I couldn't help but notice how quickly the trip went by. What used to seem like hours was merely 30 minutes. Those "mountains" I remembered from childhood, while still impressive in height for the Midwest, were nothing more than hills.

Pulling into Huber's grassy parking lot, my excitment grew. Yet as I looked around, I felt my heart would break. An intense yearning for my mom took my breath away. How much I wished she could be there with us. That she could meet Lucy and hold her and cover her with kisses. I wanted her to be with us as we took pictures of Lucy on the pumpkins, as we savored our ice cream out in the crisp autumn air. I wanted her to push Lucy in the stroller down by the lake and hold her in her lap on a hayride out into the pumpkin fields.

It's funny how motherhood changes you. How many times did I hear "You'll never understand until you're a mother?" And now I do. As we walked around Huber's making new memories, I thought about mom and how she must've loved watching our glee as kids at Huber's. And I thought about how difficult it must've been for her to know that she would have to say goodbye.